Samson Samson came to my bed Told me that my hair was red He told me i was beautiful and came into my bed Oh I cut his hair myself one night A pair of dull scissors and the yellow light And he told me that I’d done alright and kissed me till the morning light
I’m convinced this song is written for me and my first real boyfriend. Because my hair used to be red, we ate potato bread and i cut his hair with kitchen scissors. It makes me sad. Not a lot has changed.
If we leave tonight, then we leave it all behind. (My ulitmate Wayne and Garth moment)
After getting kicked out of college, i decided to make a really pathetic stab at the community college in Syracuse. It was a joke, i took random classes that had nothing to do with anything that I wanted to do, but mostly it was because I had no idea what I wanted to do.
The only real thing that got me through most of my days where my friends at the time. One being my best friend in high school, Khiel. Khiel has always been one of those best friends where, i know we’re friends because I never get to see him. He graduated a year early than me and when he wasn’t turning into a hippy in ithaca (sorry dude but its so true) he was backpacking with his newest squeeze in India, or getting in a bar fight in china, or teaching kids how to speak English in Korea. Always on the go and always ready for anything, Khiel was my fair-weather friend, never knowing where he is and never speaking to him for months at a time.
But in the short pockets of time that I did get a chance to see him, we were inseperable. Playing drinking/stripping games with his step dad and brother, going streaking in the middle of December down his suburban street in East Syracuse, going skiing, watching Star Trek movies on his parents pull out couch or walking across my parents frozen lake we would talk about his girlfriends, my love interests, the city, ambitions and how little time we had to hang out before he took a flight to god knows where doing god knows what.
Anyways where was i? oh right, so i just got kicked out of college and was miserable, my parents weren’t really speaking to me and I just gotten dumped from the high school/first love boyfriend. I was depressed and sin and just waited like a father awaiting his first born, for Khiel to come back to town and save me.
When he finally got back from China we decided to take a late night drive to some random diner, listen to Jets to Brazil and shoot the shit. As we were coming close to rte 81 Khiel turned to me and said, “Oh man i have the perfect thing to show you. You’re going to love this”
Just then he made a sudden turn off the high way and down this back ally road that ran parallel to the air line terminal where the planes landed and took off.
Another turn and we were headed down a dirt road, through some sort of bog. I nervously turned to Khiel and said, “Uh… dude, where are we going?”
He laughed, “Its a surprise”
"Khiel, i hate this shit you know i hate these stupid surprises"
"Will you just shut your vagina and relax??" he scolded, "Just relax"
So i tried to relax and i glanced nervously out the window of his lost white honda. Soon we came to a clearing with a fence and he finally put the car in park. “Ok. Get out.”
"Where are we??"
"Just get out, we’re almost there."
"Wait" I yelled desperately, "We’re WALKING?! Where? there is no where to go!"
"Its just over that fence." He explained.
"There are warning signs all over that fence, its government property. I’m not going. I’m not getting arrested again" I said stubbornly with my arms crossed and my seat belt still on.
"Fine." And he got out of the car, ran across the clearing and climbed over the fence with all the neon yellow "DO NOT TRESSPASS" signs on it.
"Aw fucking hell!" I yelled "Wait up you fucking prick!"
I threw off my seat belt, slammed the car door behind me and ran after him.
After climbing over the fence we continued down on a faded deer path. The further we walked the more swampy it was getting and the more mosquitoes bites i began to noticed. Aggravated and grumpy i slapped away bugs and yelled out to my red headed friend “dude i just fucking want to get a cup of coffee and rice pudding. Where the fuck are we going?”
"We’re almost there!" I heard his voice from a few yards ahead of me.
"You said that 10 minutes ago, assfag!” I yelled back.
After a few moments of misery I found the path ended at another clearing with another fence. And I saw Khiel lying there on his back, with his face up towards the sky, now dotted here and there with early night stars.
"You ok??" I ran up to him thinking that the bugs and fench climbing had did him in. When i reached him i noticed him just lying there, content and starring at the sky. "Come down here." He said to me.
"I don’t know man.. " I said looking around "What if we get caught being here."
He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the ground, “Just come here!”
I lied next to him on the dirt. Listening to the crickets and the bull frog. Suddenly i heard the sound of a plane coming in for a landing to the airport near by. The distant sound of the wooshing became greater and greater and then i realized where we were: We were 2 feet away from the landing strip of the airport.
I started to get nervous as the engine sound got closer, i saw the bright lights of a huge Delta plane over the tips of the swamp trees
Khiel started to smile so big i could count his teeth even in the dark
"Khiel…." i started
He grabbed my hand “Get ready!”
Just then the plane came in for a landing. The sound of the engine was deafening, the lights were blinded, the wind current the plane swept up almost took my breath way. I felt for a moment i was drowning in sound and air and I started to laugh. I swear if i just reached my arms up i could have touched the plane. I felt so close to it. I started to laugh and Khiel started to laugh and we both were lying there in the dirt of a swamp, white knuckled, covered in bug bites and laughing. By the time the plane had passed us and the noise settled we were still there, laughing and rolling on the dirt. The silence came back but we were laughing.
I haven’t seen Khiel is almost a year. Last i heard from him he was living in DC with his girlfriend. I wonder if he remembers these small bits of time we had as friends. I’m sure he does.
But i’ll never forget that feeling of lying there next to my best friend and awaiting a plane that we were never going to ride on. Never purchase a seat but yet i’m sure our experience was a lot more eye opening that where ever those people on the plane were coming back from.
REASON 196873 WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER WEAR A FANNY PACK (IN ENGLAND OR ANYWHERE ELSE)
Scene starts in the quaint town of Chester England, 10 years ago. Whiskey is at the age of 13 and is wearing a neon pink floral silk shirt with overall jean shorts. Enter her mother, Donna, black boat collared shirt with stone washed shorts, white ankle socks and running sneakers and a large straw hat. To top this all off she is wearing a black leather fanny pack. The two are out in the middle of Chester’s main street, looking at manchester united soccer jerseys with Whiskey’s 4 other cousins, Phil, Steven, Michelle, and Jenny.
Donna: Whiskey dear, do you need money? here, how much is that? You need a few pounds?
Donna reaches into her fanny pack to collect her cash
Phil: Auntie donna! what is that purse?
Donna: Oh its just my fanny pack…
All four cousins look at each other and begin to laugh hysterically in the middle of the town center
Jenny: Auntie donna! You can’t say that word!
Donna: What? Fanny Pack??
whats do wrong with fanny pack? don’t you have fanny packs here?
Four cousins are now rolling on the stone ground and collecting an audience in the middle of town. Whiskey, blushing red, tries to hide behind the Beefeater.
Michelle: Auntie Donna! Don’t you know what fanny means???
Donna: It means your bum!
Howling continues as more people gather around to see what the commotion is
Steven:It doesn’t mean bum, Auntie! It means a ladies front parts!
Donna:shocked and aghastIt means pussy!? Well, what a strange thing, in America we have a chocolate store called FANNY FARMER
Cousins, donna and whiskey all start laughing hysterically and continue walking through the town center giggling to the word “Pussy Farmer”.